I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize