He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
