I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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