I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
