just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize