i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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