If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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