I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
