it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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