Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
