Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
