Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
