Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
