just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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