your parents love me but you hate me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
