dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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