He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
