I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
