Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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