Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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