Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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