dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
