I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
