Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
