Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
