Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
