so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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