im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
