That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
3pm strippers are depressing
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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