I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
