Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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