I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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