Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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