we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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