Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
