Someone shit on the floor
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
