Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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