'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
