an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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