i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You're breaking my sexual little heart
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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