The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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