I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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