i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
