Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
