you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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