It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
