well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
