i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
