I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
