OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
