She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Farmville is her only friend.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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