Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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