Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
