Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
