so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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