My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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