I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just had sex on a roof
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
