Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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