i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I need to align my fucking chakras
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