Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
