just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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