My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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