I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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