Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
