addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
