yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
