sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
