Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
