Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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