what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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