I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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